The drive away from Bobby's was silent. Sam had expected Dean to be angry at him what with Sam being responsible for the bullet hole in his shoulder and trying to beat him to death. He figured Dean was just internalizing again and would yell later and maybe even hit him again.
Sam had never been so wrong.
Dean stopped long enough to buy a six pack and a bottle of whiskey. If ever there was a beer and whiskey night it was going to be tonight. He'd had a lot of time to think while he was searching for Sam and had come to several realizations. Dean was going to enlighten Sam now that he was no longer possessed.
Dean closed the motel room door tossing the keys on the nightstand. They put down the salt lines and Sam started to unpack when Dean moved behind him and turned him around, ordering Sam to "Sit down, shut up, and listen *very* carefully to what I am going to say. I will only say this once and we are going to move on. Dean pushed Sam toward the table in the corner of their room. "Do I make myself perfectly clear?"
Sam thought about saying "Christo," but decided that would be a bad idea. He opted to just nod and sit down.
Dean opened two beers, giving one to Sam and taking a long drink from the other. Next he opened the whiskey and set it in the middle of the table and sat down opposite his brother.
Another drink and Dean was ready. He took a deep breath and swallowed hard. "You see Sam, I had a long time to think about you, me, our relationship, and how this is going to go from here. The time you were gone, that week, made me realize that I can't live without you." Dean stopped long enough to swallow down some whiskey and pass the bottle to Sam, who was just staring at his brother.
For the first time in his life, Sam Winchester had no words.
Dean continued. "I was frantic to find you. Every conceivable reason for you to be missing went through my mind, even that you left…." Dean paused, his resolve cracking a little at those words.
Sam mistakenly tried to say something comforting. Dean was on him in a heartbeat, grabbing his arm and glaring at him. "I said shut up and I meant it. You do NOT get to talk now."
Sam (wisely) chose to remain silent.
Dean let go of Sam's arm and shifted back into his chair. "For a while, I did think that, to you, leaving would make sense. You could have concluded that somehow that would spare me the burden of killing you. I dismissed that idea when I couldn't track you. You may be a Winchester, but you can never hide from *me*. I would have found you if you had willingly gone away so the demonic possession idea became the next logical explanation." Dean took another drink and took Sam's hand gripping it tighter than he ever had. He'd been staring straight into Sam's eyes this entire time.
Sam held Dean's gaze, almost afraid to blink.
Dean continued. "You asked me why I didn't shoot you when I promised I would kill you if you turned evil. Well, that little show that Meg put on wasn't even close to what it would take for me to kill you. I will know if that time *ever* comes, Sam. I will keep the promise I made you. If I cannot save you I will not let you become evil, nor will I let someone else hunt you. I will do exactly what I promised. If you ever, *ever* consider walking away as a means to resolve this fucked up situation, you need to think about this." Dean took another deep breath. "You will not be saving me from anything. Losing you in any way will condemn me. I will not live without you. So you see this becomes a two for one deal. If I have to kill you, the next bullet in the chamber has my name on it. If you choose to leave, I won't survive that either. No more than you would if I left you. Even if you are not physically with me, you are still in me. You are in my soul. You are part of who I am and who I will become. My life is with you and only you. There is no reason for me to be here without you. Now, I know that suicide is an unforgivable sin to that God you believe in, but I believe that if *He* exists and it comes to that, He could expect nothing else since the love that we share had to be created by Him."
Dean finally stopped, took another deep breath and handed the whiskey bottle to his brother. "You look like you need this...."
Sam took a long drink and waited for Dean to continue.
Dean sighed. "Sam, we are in this battle together. Whatever is happening to you - the visions, the struggle inside you - I am only a witness. I don't feel the pain you feel, but I will do whatever I can to ease that pain. As of right now, we carry equal loads of a shared destiny."
Dean finished his beer and put the bottle down. He was done talking and Sam was in awe. Dean had never vocalized the depth of his feelings for him and this was profound emotion. Dean got up, never letting go of Sam's hand and kissed him. It was the single most passionate kiss they had ever shared.
Dean pulled back and Sam just sat there still not sure if he was allowed to talk. Dean smiled. "You can talk now Sammy, but we are *not* discussing what I just said. We go on from here."
"I love you." Sam whispered.
"And I love you," Dean whispered back as he gently kissed Sam again.
Seeing the weariness in his brother's eyes, Sam stood and helped Dean remove his clothes. Sam guided Dean to the bathroom and sat him down on the edge of the tub. He gently cleaned the wound in Dean's shoulder and kissed the skin as if he was trying to heal it. Sam carefully applied salve and bandaged it and then helped Dean to the bed.
Sam knew that Dean had not slept in days and gently laid his brother down, carefully placing a pillow behind Dean's shoulder and kissing his forehead. Dean started to say something but Sam placed a finger on Dean's lips to shush him. "Go to sleep, baby, just rest." Dean was asleep in a heartbeat. Sam pulled up the chair and just watched him. He felt the tears rolling down his face at the realization that despite everything, they were blessed.
Sam sat there for a few hours, finally feeling sleep coming to him. Careful not to wake Dean, Sam lay down next to his brother and draped his arm across Dean's stomach. Instinctively, Dean moved his hand to hold Sam's. They slept, hand coupled with hand, just as their souls were inextricably linked.
From Here by sammysslave
Author's Notes:
I needed more at the end of "Born under a bad sign" so here it is. Thanks to The Huntress for the super fast beta work. I hope you enjoy it.