Six months and a gunshot to the shoulder since a semi crashed into their lives and Dad walked out of that hospital and out of Dean's life.
Again.
Dean had always been able to keep his emotions and feelings buried, but it was getting harder. He was on very thin ice and sitting in this bar, this night, watching Sam of all people throw darts with some woman and it was more than he could take. Not that this woman meant anything to his brother, not that she meant anything to anyone, but she touched Sam's arm, he helped her try and make a better shot, and, well, it was close enough to Sam's 'normal' that it just reminded Dean that someday would come, and Sam would go.
Again.
Dean got up and walked over to Sam and saw him smile at the woman. Not his Sammy smile, but close enough.
"Lets go," Dean said rather harshly, not even looking at the woman.
Sam just looked at him with a 'what the fuck' look and made his shot, dead center, of course. Sam could hit anything he aimed at.
"Unless you want to walk, let's go," Dean was almost growling.
Sam wasn't sure what Dean's problem was, but it was about to piss him right the hell off. Dean had his jacket on and Sam's in his hand, waiting. Fuck it; it wasn't worth a scene inside the bar, so Sam took his jacket, said goodnight, and walked out ahead of his brother.
Outside was a different story. Once they got to the car, Sam spun and pinned Dean against the Impala.
"What the HELL is your problem?"
"No problem, we just need to go." Dean was trying desperately to keep his emotions in check.
"Dean, you practically went all caveman and dragged me out by my hair."
"Get in the car," Dean pretty much ordered, shoving into Sam.
"Fuck, you're a bitch tonight." Sam backed off and let Dean go; he really did not want to fight with Dean.
They drove the mile back to the motel in silence, and Dean went in and just went into the bathroom. No calling 'first shower,' no nothing. Sam stood there, really wanting to yell, scream, do something, but he would wait, Dean would calm down and this too shall pass. Sam *hoped* this would pass, since tonight was weird, even for Dean. He was trying to not be a pain in the ass, trying to help Dean through this, but damn did Dean make it hard. Hard? Hell, it was impossible. Dean had walls built better than the Great Wall of China and he'd be damned if Sam was getting through them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dean sat on the edge of the tub, trying to figure out what the hell he was going to do now. He did practically drag Sam out of the bar and Sam would want some sort of explanation. What the hell was he going to say? He couldn't tell Sam the truth, just couldn't say that he was jealous of some random female, that he had loved Sam for so long, wanted him in a decidedly un-brotherly way, that seeing him with anyone reminded him that Sam was going to leave him, and that yes, he was afraid of being completely alone. Nope, couldn't say any of that.
Sam waited awhile and still didn't hear the shower. Trying the door handle and finding it locked did nothing to reassure him that something was not seriously wrong.
"Dean, you okay in there? Why is the door locked?"
"I'm fine, just let me be." Dean did his best to sound okay, knowing Sam wasn't going to accept that.
"Dean, what is it? Please talk to me." Sam already hating that he said the dreaded 'talk' word.
"Sam, please don't, I can't..I just..I'm sorry." Dean knew that sounded horribly defeated and that Sam would push harder. 'Fuck it. Let him push, let him find out, then we can just get this over with. He can go and I can stop,' Dean thought. He was too tired right about now to fight.
"Dean, unlock this door now or I will break it down."
Dean knew Sam would do just that so he sighed, clicked the lock open and waited.
Sam pushed the door open and just looked at his brother, sitting on the edge of the tub. "Dean, it's just me. What happened...." Sam really didn't understand what had caused Dean to get this way, and he really just wanted to hug him, but you didn't just randomly hug Dean Winchester.
"Sammy, I'm just tired. I'll be okay in the morning."
"No, I don't think you will be. I'm not moving until you tell me what's going on." Sam put a hand on Dean's shoulder trying to offer some sort of comfort. Not the comfort he wanted to give, but the comfort he thought Dean would take.
Dean wanted to melt into that touch, just melt into Sam. He wanted that connection with Sam, now more than ever. Before he even realized what he was doing, Dean was up and had pushed Sam back into the door. He stood there, Sam pinned between his body and the door, and he was just too close. Dean had wanted Sam for years, knew he couldn't have him, and hated himself for even thinking about Sam that way. He knew it wasn't right, but hell most of their lives were so far from what anyone else considered right did that really matter? Dean was rationalizing this in his head when he heard Sam talking to him.
"Dean, what do you want?" Sam was trying to control his breathing since right at this moment he really was not sure what was going on. He really had to try and control himself and not just give in to his desire and take Dean right there on the floor since Dean's body pressing against his was definitely causing a reaction. No, that would not be the thing to do.
The only response Sam got was a stare from his brother.
"Dean, tell me what is going on and I can help. It's okay to ask for what you need, to need help is okay." Sam knew Dean hated asking for anything.
Dean couldn't help himself and he reached up and stroked his thumb across Sam's cheek and kissed him. It was just a kiss, on those sensual lips, and ohfortheloveofGod what had he just done? Dean backed off and waited.
Sam stood there blinking at Dean, praying his mind would work anytime now. His mind was stuck somewhere between helping Dean and the concept that the only person he had ever truly been in love with had just kissed him.
Dean interpreted Sam's reaction as 'Sam is horrified, of course he's horrified, he's your brother and you don't kiss your brother' his inner voice was screaming at him as he tried to get past Sam and out the door. Sam grabbed his arm and forced him back to the wall.
They stood there, body against body, and Dean was ready to get punched, screamed at, ready for anything.
"Its okay Dean, really okay," as Sam shocked Dean by kissing him gently at first then more probing, deeper, and heated, suggesting something more.
Every cell that was still functioning in Dean's brain was screaming at him to stop and every fiber of his body was pleading with him not to. This is what he had so desperately wanted for most of his adult life and now it was right here, right in front of him, but could he take it? 'How could this possibly be okay? The cosmos would *never* allow Dean Winchester to have the one thing that could let him be happy, could it?' and with those thoughts swirling in his head Dean let himself kiss Sam again, this one definitely *more*. Sam's lips parted and his warm tongue shyly looked for a way to taste Dean and, despite himself, Dean had his hands twining in Sam's hair, stroking across Sam's scalp. Dean felt gentle hands moving up his back, caressing him through his shirt, and oh God did that feel like heaven. Sam moaned into Dean's mouth. That sound had Dean harder than he had ever been before.
"Sammy, open your eyes. Look at me," Dean whispered. He so needed to see Sam's eyes, to read what was there, because soon he wouldn't be able to stop this. He would be too consumed with passion to do right by Sam. He needed to know Sam wanted this as much as he did. He needed to know that Sam wasn't just doing this for him.
Sam opened his eyes, not really able to recall closing them, and stared into Dean's. There was an expression of love in those beautiful hazel eyes that Sam could only hope Dean was seeing reflected in his.
"Dean, I...when did you...how long....?" Okay, brain still not working, but Dean was smiling at him.
"Forever Sammy, it's always been you. I just kept it in check better, now I...I...." Dean let his hand stroke along Sam's cheek.
"You neglected to tell me this. This Dean, this you *should* have told me." Sam leaned in, forehead against Dean's. His hands came up, long fingers slipping through Dean's hair, holding him still. Sam couldn't believe this was happening.
"I couldn't, thought you would leave...hate me. God, Sammy, I can't lose you." Dean couldn't finish that thought and he was trying to not let the tears in his eyes fall.
Sam pulled back this time and stared into Dean's eyes again. Sam heard the 'too' that Dean couldn't say. Dad had walked out on them, on Dean again, and Sam knew that Dean was still waiting for the day that Sam would do the same thing.
"Sammy, you're sure this is what you want? We can't uncross this line, we do this and it is forever, no one else gets this." Dean gave him one last time to stop. It would kill him, but he would stop if Sam wanted him to. Sam had to understand that once Dean had him like this, he could never let him go.
"There is nothing that you could ever do to make me leave. There is nothing in Heaven or Hell that could pry me away from your side. You are the single most important thing in this world to me. I am not going anywhere without you, ever." Sam understood exactly what he was doing; he felt like he was born for this. "Dean, I never wanted anyone but you, never will. I have always been yours. I needed you to...need me. Dean, please...please touch me again."
Dean laced his hands behind Sam's neck and pulled him closer, breathing in the scent that had always been Sammy. He pressed his body closer to Sam, claiming Sam's lips in another kiss. Sam's lips parted slightly, tentatively, and Dean let his tongue dart inside. Dean kissed Sam more passionately than he had ever kissed anyone, his entire heart pouring out into that singular kiss, wanting Sam, needing Sam to feel how deeply he loved him.
Sam kissed back just as passionately. He had wanted Dean for as long as he could remember. Their tongues tangled, almost warring with each other, frantic to taste the other. The kiss lasted until they needed air, but both men desperately wanted it to last longer.
"Mmmm," Sam murmured, eyes fluttering, lost in that moment.
"Sammy, you still here?" Dean whispered in Sam's ear, hot breath tickling slightly.
"Right here, never want to be anywhere else," gripping Dean, pulling him close, grinding their bodies together.
"Bed, now," Dean purred.
They landed on the bed in a frantic intertwining of limbs. Desperate to feel skin against skin they tugged at each other's clothes until they had stripped one another naked. They rolled until they were lying on their sides facing each other.
Panting, Dean looked into Sam's eyes. They were dark, blown wide with lust. Pulling Sam into another kiss, Dean's fingers danced across Sam's neck and down his spine. Sam arched into the heat that was now his lover, trying to get closer to the delicious feeling of Dean. Dean kissed a trail from Sam's neck to his forehead, just tasting his skin. Sam's skin tasted sweet, his sweat salty, and Dean couldn't remember any food, or any drink, that had even been as good.
"Sammy, tell me...have you done this before...with a guy?" Dean wanted this to be perfect for Sam and he needed to know what Sam knew.
Sam hesitated, unsure of himself. "N-no, always wanted it to be with you," casting his eyes down, not looking at Dean.
"Oh God baby, do you know how much that turns me on? How much I love that you would want me?"
"But, you...have, it's just I want to be...." He didn't blame Dean, not at all, but part of him was nervous about being able to be please Dean.
Lifting Sam's chin with his finger. "No Sammy, I have never done this before. I've had sex with a few guys - quick, messy, lonely sex. You, I'll make love to. I have never, ever made love to someone, male or female. Got it? Only you. This is already perfect, *you* are perfect."
Sam felt a solitary tear on his cheek. Dean kissed it away with the softest kiss Sam had ever felt.
"You'll always be my only love," Dean sighed, his breath hot on Sam's skin as his finger traced a lazy path down Sam's neck, pausing to feel his pulse race, then trailing down his arm. Dean caressed his wrist, and brought Sam's hand to his mouth, licking each finger. Small moans were escaping Sam's lips as he reveled in the sensations Dean's tongue was causing.
"I'm glad we finally...." as he traced his finger back up along Sam's body. Those fingers were slowly driving Sam crazy. Every inch of skin was on fire and each touch sent jolts of passion right to his cock, causing it to twitch and leak.
Sam shuddered at the sensations he was feeling and took Dean's hand in his bringing it up to his lips, wanting Dean to feel what he was feeling.
"Me too," Sam said as he gently licked each finger in turn. "This feels so perfect. You and me, this, its right," he said, looking into Dean's eyes, tracing a finger along his jaw line.
"I love you," Sam murmured.
"Love you too, Sammy," Dean leaned forward engulfing Sam's lips in a tender kiss.
"You feel good," Sam moaned as he ran his hands down Dean's back impatiently pulling him closer, wanting to feel Dean's cock rub against his own.
"Let me lead, baby. Gonna feel so good...." Dean soothed with a voice so sexy, Sam never wanted him to stop talking.
Dean lapped at Sam's nipple, tugging gently with his teeth. Sam arched into him; he would swear he could feel his eyes rolling back into his head at that feeling.
His own body was quivering from need and anticipation. Dean moved his hand down between their bodies grasping Sam's cock firmly in his hand. He stroked up and down the hardness delighting in the moans that Sam was making in the back of his throat.
"Please...do...do that again," Sam groaned.
Dean happily did just that. He ran his hand down to the base of Sam's cock, fondling his balls momentarily, before stroking back up and twisting the tip. Sam thrust into his hand, moaning loudly.
Sam's mind was reeling, unable to grasp that this was happening. This was not a fantasy. That he was finally with Dean.
Sam watched as Dean licked his own fingers, tasting Sam for the first time.
Dean gazed at the sight before him. Sam was naked and stretched out on the bed; his legs spread wide, his cock thick and dark with arousal. His breath hitching in his chest from desire and need. Dean was overwhelmed with a need to connect with every inch of Sam. With another glance across his brother's body, Dean moved to be on top and slowly ground his hips down into Sam's. Sam moaned deeply and pushed up into the feeling. Dean settled himself between Sam's spread thighs, and rocked slightly, eliciting a growl from Sam. Dean leaned forward kissing Sam gently. Their naked bodies caressed and moved against each other striving to find a rhythm. Their hands and lips were sucking, stroking, and touching each other. Dean slowly worked his way down the length of Sam's torso, teasing every inch of Sam's body. He wanted to find every spot that sent Sam out of control and knew he found one as he dipped his tongue into Sam's navel and Sam groaned and writhed at the pleasure that caused. Dean worked his tongue around until Sam was panting before he moved lower.
Dean nuzzled into the dark curls that surrounded Sam's cock, running his tongue along the vein and circling the tip before taking Sam completely in his mouth. He felt Sam tense momentarily, but before he could pull up and ask if Sam was okay, Sam moaned and thrust up. Encouraged, Dean continued sucking Sam's length and twirling his tongue as he moved up and down. He tongued the slit, looking for more of Sam's taste. Dean let his teeth graze along the length as he swallowed Sam completely again, letting his fingers move in imaginary patterns across Sam's thighs, up to his hip bones, gently running a finger over them. Dean became lost in the flavor, the feel, the scent of Sammy. Dean had wanted this for so long, fantasized about this, he never wanted to stop. He didn't stop; he just kept driving Sam closer and closer to the edge.
From the feral sounds coming from his brother, Dean was pretty sure Sam was gone, lost in the needs of his body.
Sam was moaning a string of words that made no sense, but Dean loved it just the same. Sam could feel himself losing control, his hips were thrusting up and the pleasure was coiling in the pit of his stomach.
"Dean, I'm gonna...OhGod Dean...." and Sam came, hard. It was like no other orgasm he had ever felt. Years of want and desire, all his fantasies poured from him. His body moved of it's own volition as he filled Dean's mouth with his white hot fluid. Dean continued to suck Sam's cock, milking every drop of fluid until he knew Sam was just too sensitive to touch.
Dean moved up to kiss Sam, wanting to hold him as he calmed. He pulled Sam closer as tiny shudders continued to move through him. Sam nuzzled his head to Dean's chest.
"Can I...touch you?"
"You can do anything you want to, Sammy," Dean sighed.
Sam took Dean's cock in his hand and ran his hand the length of it, enjoying the feel, the hardness that was all Dean. He gently rolled Dean's balls in the palm of his hand, eliciting a moan from somewhere deep in Dean's throat.
"So good baby, so good...."
Sam moved down Dean's body, trailing a path with his tongue, until he reached the tip of his cock. Looking up at Dean, Sam licked the tip, tasting Dean the way Dean had just done. Dean groaned at the sight. Sam took as much of Dean in his mouth as he could without gagging and gently pulled up, rolling his tongue as he went. Dean gently gripped Sam's head, holding him in place as he thrust slightly into his mouth. "So beautiful Sammy, what you do to me...." as he thrust a few more times. Dean didn't want to do more than Sam was ready for.
"Make love to me, Dean," Sam whispered. He desperately wanted to feel Dean inside him.
Dean's face softened and he looked at Sam. "You sure baby? You don't have to."
"I know Dean, I want you to. I need you to come inside me."
Dean groaned in ecstasy at Sam's request, his cock aching to be inside his lover. He nodded with a smile as he wrapped his arms around his brother and pulled him up beside him. Sam smiled back as he shifted to lay on his back. Dean grabbed some hand lotion, it would do for now, and slicked his fingers. He stroked his hand down between Sam's thighs caressing the skin and raised one of Sam's legs. He let his finger stroke around Sam's entrance. "Relax and breathe...." Dean spoke softly as he gently rubbed Sam's belly and just let the tip of his finger rub Sam's hole. Soon Sam was moaning softly. "God, you're tight," pushing his finger in a little, watching Sam's face carefully. He saw Sam wince and stopped.
"If this is to intense, tell me Sam."
"If you stop, I'll kill you. Just...just take it slow."
Dean smiled and when he had one finger in him tried to find the spot that would send Sam spiraling with pleasure. He knew he found it when Sam's entire body shuddered.
Sam groaned, "Fuck, Dean, what the hell did you do...." panting and seeing stars.
'Found it' Dean thought, smiling and stroking it again and again. "Meet your prostate, Sammy. You like that?"
Sam's language skills had dissolved to 'uggghhhh' and he had to really concentrate to get that out.
Dean added another finger and continued to work Sam open, watching Sam writhe in pleasure as he stroked his finger across that sweet spot over and over. Sam's cock was enjoying it as much as the rest of him. It was completely hard again, dark, and curling toward his stomach.
Dean hoped Sam was ready. He needed to come soon, the sight of his brother, his lover, was driving him to the brink of coming without being touched. He removed his fingers and moved to his bag.
Sam moaned at the loss. "Dean, need you...." He heard a noise and focused his eyes to look at Dean, "No Dean, just you," as he saw Dean opening a condom.
"Sammy, I've...."
"You've always used one right? I always have so we don't need one of those."
"Yeah, always but...."
"No buts, you said it's just us from now on, so just you," Sam held his arms out for Dean to come back to him.
Dean's heart melted at the conviction in Sam's voice. Nodding, Dean poured some lotion on his cock and placed the tip of his cock at Sam's entrance. "Take a deep breath and try to relax," as he eased further in. Sam nodded and tried to focus on his breathing as he felt Dean push in. Pain flared out since Dean was a hell of a lot thicker than those fingers and despite his best efforts he whimpered.
"Sammy?" Dean asked softly, placing a hand on Sam's hip.
"It's okay, keep going." Sam trusted Dean and knew it was okay.
Dean continued to push in, filling him, stretching him around his hardness. He watched Sam closely and stopped when Sam's body signaled he should. Soon, Dean was completely buried in Sam. Knowing it was too soon to pull out to thrust, he just rolled his hips and waited.
Sam made small thrusts with his hips as he got used to the feeling of Dean's cock inside him. It hurt, but less now, and the promise of the pleasure to come was making it oh so amazing.
"God Sammy, even in my fantasies it wasn't this good. You are so hot and tight."
Sam adjusted; let the pleasure build from Dean's rocking and the sound of that voice and then begged Dean, "Move, pleaseGodmove."
Dean pulled back and thrust his cock deep inside. He ran his fingers around Sam's navel, continuing to stimulate those sensitive nerves. Dean pulled out almost all the way, teasing the hole with the tip of his cock. He slammed back in hard. Sam groaned from the mix of pleasure and pain coursing through him. With the next thrust, Dean got the angle right and Sam howled from the pleasure. Dean plunged his cock in and out of Sam's body, his balls connecting with Sam's soft ass every time he thrust deep inside. Sam was fisting his hands into the sheets, his body moving with Dean's rhythm, grinding his ass against Dean's cock with every thrust.
Releasing one hand, Sam grabbed his own erection and stroked himself in cadence with Dean's thrusts into this body.
Dean moved Sam's hand away and replaced it with his own. "Let me, I want to make you come again."
Dean stroked Sam with a perfect touch. The sensations were coming at Sam from everywhere as Dean made sure he found that bundle of nerves every time just as his hand twisted across the top of his cock. Sam felt Dean's body tensing and sensed that his brother's climax was close. He wanted to come together with his lover.
"Come with me Dean," Sam encouraged. He tried to focus on Dean and stave off the wave of pleasure building inside him.
"Sammy...." Dean moaned at the request thrusting deep inside again.
Dean's toes began to tingle as he felt his orgasm approaching. He moaned as his thrusts became urgent plunging deeper and deeper into the body he loved. Sam writhed in pleasure, his moans combining with Dean's as both men lost themselves in the ecstasy of their love making. With a loud cry, Dean's eyes closed as his orgasm overtook him and he gave up to the breathtaking sensations pulsating through his body. Dean jerked at each spasm sending his release into the warm waiting body beneath him. Dean intoned Sam's name like a mantra as he moved his hand up and down Sam's cock, pushing him to climax almost simultaneously, spurting his come over Dean's hand and onto his stomach.
Dean collapsed onto Sam, they were breathing in unison as Dean continued to caress Sam's side, gently whispering Sam's name as his breathing calmed. Sam let his hand rest comfortably on Dean's back, just moving his fingers ever so slightly. Dean's weight felt perfect on top of Sam. Sam was already drifting halfway towards sleep and he protested as Dean rose up and reached down between their still joined bodies to ease his cock carefully out of Sam's body.
"Dean....?"
"Right here baby, just gonna us clean up and hold you."
Sam relaxed his body as Dean cleaned them and lay back down. Sam instinctively curled into Dean's chest and held Dean tightly. They communicated their love with touch as they cuddled close to one another. Dean had never cuddled with anyone since he was a child. He would hold Sam to comfort him, but he never let anyone just hold him. Even after sex, he was up and gone, no lingering moments shared with a lover, until now. He had made love to his mate and Sam could hold him, Dean finally knew Sam wouldn't let go.
They spent their first night as lovers wrapped around each other sleeping a blissful sleep together on a hotel mattress. Under the glow of a neon vacancy sign and inside a salt ring, the both knew they had finally come home.
Coming Home by sammysslave
Author's Notes:
Sam and Dean finally have their first time. It is slightly AU since I deny the end of IMTOD. The Huntress did the beta and as always she is awesome. Hope you enjoy it.